This has been the most difficult change for me postpartum. I’m far more emotional than I have ever been in my entire life (including puberty). While I don’t have PPD (at least not as of yet), I don’t know why, but everything irritates me. I find myself with very little patience and I used to have an insane amount of patience before I’m about to explode, but I constantly find myself on edge and I’m annoyed by such stupid little things (except my baby, I don’t get annoyed with him unless I’m trying to put on his diaper and he’s flailing all over the place). Is it the lack of sleep? Or have my hormones shifted weird? Is this normal? Or am I just turning into an old cranky person?
I find myself annoyed that my husband doesn’t read my mind, or offer help 24/7 without me having to ask. I’m annoyed at our cats ALL the time for being too needy, or making too much noise. I find myself annoyed that people keep buying us things that we don’t have space for. All of these things I know are irrational, but I can’t help but be annoyed by it. Esp, that last one. I KNOW people mean well and I should just be grateful that we have so many good friends and family that want to buy us things, but every time I trip over another thing that I can’t find space for I get annoyed. I get annoyed staring at the piles of clutter that I don’t know what to do with because I either want to throw it away or donate it, but I don’t want to offend people. Then I get annoyed with myself that I feel bad about being annoyed. Basically, I’m always annoyed and I HATE it. I try so hard to be thankful and grateful because constantly being irritated is so bad for my mental and emotional health. It’s also terrible for my relationship with my husband and I feel terrible about that. The only relief I get from my irritation is when Little Man is happy and smiling and all my attention is on playing with him or just staring at him while he sleeps peacefully. As wonderful as those 2 things are, at some point I have to snap back to reality and deal with the house, my relationship, the cats and I feel the irritation and it’s setting off anxiety. I don’t want to live my life like this, but I don’t know how to change it and I wish I knew if this was just my hormones trying to balance out, or if I just need more sleep so I know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I think the idea of my being so irritated stresses me out so much, because I’m prone to depression, and I worked SOOO hard to get myself into a good headspace over the last 4-5 years. I’m so worried the irritation is going to offset my depression again. I will say, saying it “out loud” helps and I think I NEEDED to write this post so that I can publically acknowledge my problem which forces me to deal with it and actively find a solution vs wallowing in my irritation. So if anyone has any helpful tips, I am all ears. If you’re also dealing with this, know you are NOT ALONE and we will get through this together.
*Edit: Since writing this, I’ve already feel my mood improving having vented.*