So as some of you know, my whole pregnancy has had some unusual bleeding and I’ve been on and off bedrest because of it. If you’re not into the TMI and stuff I would skip this post.
This past Saturday I was in L&D for some bleeding again, and it seems that I have cervical polyps that bleed extremely easily. As far as I can tell from research (and what the nurses and doctors say) there’s no danger to the baby, BUT I still have to keep bleeding to a minimum for various reasons. This means moderate bedrest until the baby is born. As frustrating as it is (because I go stir crazy), I need to take it easy because I bleed extremely easily, which sends me into a panic mode (which isn’t good for the baby). As much as I know, there’s not much I can do about the bleeding, I still feel like I’m a failure. Even if the baby is perfectly fine, every time it happens I can’t help but think what if it does hurt the baby in some way. What if I’m not doing everything I can to make sure this baby is safe? Am I failing already as a mother, and my baby isn’t even born yet. My husband thinks I’m crazy (and I’m sure so do most people), but its so very different when the baby is inside of you and you’re the only person who can take care of it. It’s so very defeating. I’ve just been thanking God that our baby has been healthy and his vitals have been good and strong, and when I am getting super anxious he gets wriggly and punchy and lets me know he’s still there and good.
Any other pregnant mommas feel this way (or mommas who did feel this way). Is it just me being paranoid (I am naturally pretty paranoid and anxious). Let me know I would love to connect with other blogger mommas out there!